Antiseizure meds cause depression. Hell, seizures cause depression.
I went to my Neurology appointment on Monday. It's weird because aside from weighing you and taking blood pressure they just talk to you. It's not even like when my old Neurologist would do all the reflex tests from 1940 on me. Not even that.
I saw the Neuro assistant. Her name is Tempest. Tempest wears skin tight ultra thin cotton bell bottom pants that are covered in swirly designs. Made in India. I could totally see her vag thru the thin cotton. It was weird, a little weirder than the time I found the online topless pics of my yoga instructor.
So, I lost another 10 lbs in a month, my bloodwork is perfect and I still have weird tumors spots on my brain and seizures.
It was suggested that I have a spinal tap to check for Multiple Sclerosis. The lesions on my brain do not suggest MS, my symptoms do not suggest MS. Nobody has suggested MS. Fuck, I've spent almost 30 years having seizures off and on, can we focus on that?
Tempest is timid. I use it to my advantage. I'm not a dick but I do ask her questions.
What is the rationale for a spinal tap? Why now? Why not a spinal MRI?
No, the latest medication prescribed to me is not working - 10+ seizures per day, migraines, insomnia, hives, suicidal thoughts.
My latest medication is discontinued. I'm written scripts for two new. One is adjunct drug for drug I currently take and other is some Valley of the Dolls barbiturate headache medicine.
I'm kinda a dick when we review my latest MRI. No. Wrong. Temporal NOT parietal lobe. Have you ever seen the images or just the one paragraph written report from the Radiologist? The basics are wrong in the report. I don't go into the specifics. I feel cheated. I am not receiving decent medical care.
I don't want a spinal tap from the local hospital. No. Fuck no. I don't say it. I say that I have to think about it.
"We can't cure you."
I know that.
"Have you ever thought about keeping a seizure journal? "
Does she really ask that?
I have calendars, journals, charts, graphs, blogs, apps, etc. which all document my seizures. Doctors rarely want to see any of it.
"It's weird that you have parietal lobe and not temporal lesions/possible seizure focus," Tempest says.
"No. They're Temporal. The Radiologist continues to make that mistake in his reports. Right NOT left and temporal NOT parietal. If only you saw the images. He missed so many things on MRI but I only have unofficial second opinions."
Tempest leaves the room for 15 minutes to talk to The Doctor. He has weird hair that is half eggplant purple on top and salt and pepper color on bottom. What is with his hair? I always wonder. Tempest returns with referral papers.
"You should go to this institute. I think they'll still want a spinal tap," Tempest says to me. Gah, MS must be her Taint Cancer; she really wants me to have it.
I Wiki the place I am being referred to:
"...the world's largest neurological disease treatment and research institution, and is consistently ranked as one of the best neurosurgical training centers in the United States."
Fuck. Yes. I've been waiting two years to see a REAL specialist, an actual Epileptoligist.
Remember, I started out uninsured, spent $800 on an office visit with a Neurologist who gave me a six-month prescription for drugs that cost 20k and which I begged Pharmaceutical companies to donate to me.
I call The Institute and then fax my referral and some med records. I'll have an appointment in a month or so. Maybe.
Here's what a lot of people don't understand - why go to these doctors, take these crazy meds, go through testing?
Because I have to do this. I have to be proactive about protecting my brain. Seizures in brains are like toasters in tubs, they fuck your shit up and can kill you. Or worse yet, seizures can irreparably damage your brain and I'd rather be dead than live in Idiocracy.
I take the risk. I take shitty pills that make me feel shitty because some day some combination of pills MIGHT control my seizures entirely. Eureka! I just want the fuck outta this tub.
I smoke cannabis every day as well. It helps a lot but honestly we need some Weed Science going on because the level of chemicals in the medical marijuana I buy is not optimal for treating seizures; we just don't grow the good shit here yet.
I am hell to live with, especially when I'm having seizure clusters or taking new meds which is most of the time right now. I don't sleep when normal humans sleep, I break down over everything and anything, I'm depressed every time I start a new drug or have a seizure. I think I am going numb. I can't feel my fingertips. Fuck.
Otherwise, things are going fine.
I went to my Neurology appointment on Monday. It's weird because aside from weighing you and taking blood pressure they just talk to you. It's not even like when my old Neurologist would do all the reflex tests from 1940 on me. Not even that.
I saw the Neuro assistant. Her name is Tempest. Tempest wears skin tight ultra thin cotton bell bottom pants that are covered in swirly designs. Made in India. I could totally see her vag thru the thin cotton. It was weird, a little weirder than the time I found the online topless pics of my yoga instructor.
So, I lost another 10 lbs in a month, my bloodwork is perfect and I still have weird tumors spots on my brain and seizures.
It was suggested that I have a spinal tap to check for Multiple Sclerosis. The lesions on my brain do not suggest MS, my symptoms do not suggest MS. Nobody has suggested MS. Fuck, I've spent almost 30 years having seizures off and on, can we focus on that?
Tempest is timid. I use it to my advantage. I'm not a dick but I do ask her questions.
What is the rationale for a spinal tap? Why now? Why not a spinal MRI?
No, the latest medication prescribed to me is not working - 10+ seizures per day, migraines, insomnia, hives, suicidal thoughts.
My latest medication is discontinued. I'm written scripts for two new. One is adjunct drug for drug I currently take and other is some Valley of the Dolls barbiturate headache medicine.
I'm kinda a dick when we review my latest MRI. No. Wrong. Temporal NOT parietal lobe. Have you ever seen the images or just the one paragraph written report from the Radiologist? The basics are wrong in the report. I don't go into the specifics. I feel cheated. I am not receiving decent medical care.
I don't want a spinal tap from the local hospital. No. Fuck no. I don't say it. I say that I have to think about it.
"We can't cure you."
I know that.
"Have you ever thought about keeping a seizure journal? "
Does she really ask that?
I have calendars, journals, charts, graphs, blogs, apps, etc. which all document my seizures. Doctors rarely want to see any of it.
"It's weird that you have parietal lobe and not temporal lesions/possible seizure focus," Tempest says.
"No. They're Temporal. The Radiologist continues to make that mistake in his reports. Right NOT left and temporal NOT parietal. If only you saw the images. He missed so many things on MRI but I only have unofficial second opinions."
Tempest leaves the room for 15 minutes to talk to The Doctor. He has weird hair that is half eggplant purple on top and salt and pepper color on bottom. What is with his hair? I always wonder. Tempest returns with referral papers.
"You should go to this institute. I think they'll still want a spinal tap," Tempest says to me. Gah, MS must be her Taint Cancer; she really wants me to have it.
I Wiki the place I am being referred to:
"...the world's largest neurological disease treatment and research institution, and is consistently ranked as one of the best neurosurgical training centers in the United States."
Fuck. Yes. I've been waiting two years to see a REAL specialist, an actual Epileptoligist.
Remember, I started out uninsured, spent $800 on an office visit with a Neurologist who gave me a six-month prescription for drugs that cost 20k and which I begged Pharmaceutical companies to donate to me.
I call The Institute and then fax my referral and some med records. I'll have an appointment in a month or so. Maybe.
Here's what a lot of people don't understand - why go to these doctors, take these crazy meds, go through testing?
Because I have to do this. I have to be proactive about protecting my brain. Seizures in brains are like toasters in tubs, they fuck your shit up and can kill you. Or worse yet, seizures can irreparably damage your brain and I'd rather be dead than live in Idiocracy.
I take the risk. I take shitty pills that make me feel shitty because some day some combination of pills MIGHT control my seizures entirely. Eureka! I just want the fuck outta this tub.
I smoke cannabis every day as well. It helps a lot but honestly we need some Weed Science going on because the level of chemicals in the medical marijuana I buy is not optimal for treating seizures; we just don't grow the good shit here yet.
I am hell to live with, especially when I'm having seizure clusters or taking new meds which is most of the time right now. I don't sleep when normal humans sleep, I break down over everything and anything, I'm depressed every time I start a new drug or have a seizure. I think I am going numb. I can't feel my fingertips. Fuck.
Otherwise, things are going fine.
